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Has someone told you in the past that "you’re too sensitive"?

Have you ever told someone that he or she was too sensitive?

Between seventh grade and my first year after college, I was frequently labeled as "overly sensitive". I absolutely hated it. 🙂

Growing up, I knew I was different from a lot of people.

• I’m very sympathetic. People loves to talk to me about their problems. I’m a very patient listener and I pay a lot of attention to people. I’m an informal counselor to many peers.
• I put myself in others’ shoes. As a result, I can easily feel both their happiness and sorrows. 
• I’m not a psychic by any means, but I do feel that I have a "sixth sense", knowing how others feel, and what are in their minds.
• I don’t take bullshits from people. I’ve a very strong intuition, which allows me to detect if someone is sincere or not. 
• I don’t like strong stimulus. I stayed away from loud music, clubs, and party scene. 
• I don’t feel very comfortable in crowed environment. I prefer one-on-one, authentic conversation over talking with a large group of people. The "small talk" at company holiday parties were very painful to me. 
• I have a low threshold for office politics. I can detect it easily, and I’ll feel really bad about it.
• I have a pretty strong intuition to see where market is going.
• I didn’t like confrontations. I was not very good at handling interpersonal conflict at work.
• I was very reflective. I would spend a lot of time by myself, reflecting on what had happened, and tried to make sense out of it.

At this point, you might think I’m just a soft, crying baby who needed to get tougher in the real world. 🙂

But, let me tell you more.

During my last semester in college, I spent a lot of time reading books and searching for an answer. I wasn’t sure what I was searching for, but I knew that I was different from a lot of people. I just didn’t know how to articulate the difference.

One day, I visited Cody’s Books in Berkeley, CA. Cody’s Books was one of the best independent books in the country. (Unfortunately, it closed door a few years ago). The book seller at Cody’s always put some interesting books on display near the door. Those were books that you wouldn’t have seen on display at Border’s or Barnes & Nobles. Somehow Cody’s book seller had a knock for finding the hidden gems.

This time, I saw a booked called The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You . It’s a psychology/self-help book that I normally wouldn’t have touched. For some strange reason (or due to my sensitive nature I suppose :-)), I picked up the book and started reading.

I couldn’t put the book down.

I felt that I finally found someone who understood my problems. Finally, I found an explanation about some of the challenges I had been facing.

It was an incredibly liberating felling.

The book’s author, Elaine Aron, had done extensive research on the topic of sensitivity. According to her research, about 15-20% of the general population share a common set of characteristics that make them Highly Sensitive Person *HSP). There was a test in the book. I scored on very high end of "sensitivity". The key message of Dr. Aron’s book is

• The trait of High Sensitive Person are normal. 
• There are biological reasons/explanations for high sensitivity.
• Sensitive people are more aware of little things, and seems to have a "sixth sense". They’re highly intuitive.
• Sensitive people could easily be overwhelmed by stimulus, which make life stressful for them at times.
• The notion of sensitivity is treated differently across different cultures.

To find out if you’re a High Sensitive Person, take the Self Test.

I learned to recognize and accept my sensitivity. I use it to my advantage in both personal and professional situations. At the same time, I learn to manage my emotions better — I still struggle at times, but I’m getting much better at overcoming some of the challenges associated with being a High Sensitive Person.

I’m sharing this personal experience with you because I want to raise the awareness of  Highly Sensitive Person in work place.

If you’re a HSP, you should know that sensitivity is a gift and a strength in many ways. Utilize it to make a difference. At the same time, understand some of the challenges associated with sensitivity. Take proactive steps to protect yourself.

If you’re not a HSP, you might have co-workers, managers, or subordinates who’re Highly Sensitive Person. Instead of telling them "you’re too sensitive", recognize their unique gift. Help them to take advantage of their strength.

Sensitivity is a strength, not a liability.

Recommended reading:

• Making Work Work for the Highly Sensitive Person
• The Highly Sensitive Person’s Workbook
• The Highly Sensitive Person in Love: Understanding and Managing Relationships When the World Overwhelms You
• The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World

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