GeekMBA360

This is a serious problem. It’s more common than you might think.

It’s heart wrenching for the parents and siblings. No matter how accomplished and wealthy they are, they feel powerless in dealing with this problem.

In the past few years, directly and indirectly, I have known several families who are facing this very difficult problem.

All of these families have an adult son or daughter who is in his or her late 20′s or early 30′s. They share a common pattern.

• They have all been good kids when they grew up. They were good students, and graduated from good colleges. Most of them attended prestigious Ivy Leagues schools or small liberal art schools.
• After college, they moved around low-paying jobs, but they never found the jobs they really liked.
• They held a belief that they didn’t want to "sell out"; they wanted to pursue their passion.
• They also had a notion of living certain life styles because they all grew up in middle-to-upper class families.
• When the economy was going south, they had a even harder time to find a job. They moved home to stay with their parents.
• They have been jobless for two years or even longer. 
• They got monetary help from their parents and occasionally from their siblings. They’re not starving by any stretch, but they’re dependent on their parents.

Most of them are not even actively looking for jobs. When opportunities knocked at their doors, they usually would say things like "it’s not something I’m passionate about", or "it sucks. I don’t want to work in that environment", etc.

They’re confused, aimless, and just hanging out with a few friends who are in the same boat.

The parents and siblings are worried, frustrated, and angry — they hate to see their precious son, daughter, brother, or sister to waste away.

I’m neither a psychologist nor a social scientist. I could only offer hypothesis about what is going on based on what I knew about the families I talked to.

I think most of these families have provided an over protected environment to their kids. Almost all of the families are well off, and they tried to provide everything to help their kids to succeed. The kids had lived a very sheltered life.

The kids didn’t disappoint their parents. They did well in school. Until graduating from college, it was a pretty smooth ride for the son or daughter.

But, that’s where the problem started. They had experienced very little setback in their lives. Things came too easy to them.

As a result, they were not prepared to face the harsh reality in professional environments. They lacked the mental toughness and street smart to navigate the real world.

Additionally, they grew up during a period of unprecedented economic prosperity. They were not prepared for the sharp economic down turn, and the difficult job market.

I was chatting with a college friend of mine. One thing he mentioned to me was really interesting: we both went through a very competitive environment at UC Berkeley. One thing about attending a large public school like Berkeley was that nobody really cared about you. You had to take care of yourself; otherwise, you’d drop out. There was a grading curve for most classes at Berkeley, which means certain percentage of student would flunk the class. We were conditioned to work really hard, rely on our ability, and survive. Some people really disliked that environment. Unlike a private school, Berkeley was pretty rough. But, we felt that we acquired the mental toughness from that experience.

I think the point is that adversity really helps young people to build characters and mental toughness. These attributes become increasingly important as we navigate our career and life after college. 

I also think the phrase "pursue one’s passion" is way overblown by media and self help gurus.

Don’t make me wrong — I’m an idealist in my heart. I have wanted to be a writer since I was third grade. My ideal job is to write, read, and teach full time. That’s why I have been diligently working on this blog because I really enjoyed it. But, I also have a full time job in high tech because I need to survive and support a family.

Instead of blindly pursuing one’s passion, I think Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs provides a more balanced and pragmatic paradigm.

Do you know any never grow up, jobless, and confused young adult? Do you have any ideas to help them? I would love to hear from you.

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• You’re too sensitive!
• The anti dot com path to success: A different way of living and working
• Don’t get stuck
• The first time I cried at work

Excellent resources

• Quarterlife Crisis: The Unique Challenges of Life in Your Twenties
• Conquering Your Quarterlife Crisis: Advice from Twentysomethings Who Have Been There and Survived (Perigee Book)
• The Overachievers: The Secret Lives of Driven Kids