A gentleman in his forties started to play with my kids. Soon we started chatting. This guy has been working like crazy at a start up. In the past year he started to draw cartoons at his spare time.

It is a hobby that allows his free spirits flow. Like many of us he is trying to find a way to  get away from his soul crushing job and follow his passion.

Most readers of this blog are career minded and ambitious. But, have you thought about what you really need and want? Do you work to live or live to work?

Over the years, I have heard many answers.

• "We were high school sweethearts. We have known each other since we were thirteen years old."
• "We were in the same English class during our freshman year in college."
• "We had a common friend who set us up".
• "He was my TA in college."
• "We met at work".
• "eHarmony.com"
• "We were part of the same bible study group."
• "I was traveling in Argentina, and fell in love with this guy I met in a Cafe."
• "We both were part of a weekly hiking group."
• "We were partners in a Salsa dance class."
• "I was the sales rep. He was my customer. We ended up getting married."
• "We met at the Kaplan GMAT class."
• "We were both on the same coed softball team."
• "We were both studying in the quite room in the public library."
• "We were both volunteers at Habitat for Humanity."
• "We were both interns at Microsoft."
• "We met at the post office. I was short of $10 dollars. He came to the rescue."
• …

There are many ways for people to meet and fall in love. But, I know very few couples who met in bars or other type of "meat markets".

The most common theme is that people meet via shared activities — school, volunteer work, sports, dancing, work, etc.

In fact, there is a body of academic work on building personal and professional networks via shared activities.

But, I keep hearing complaints from single guys and gals about how hard it is for them to find dates. They go to bars, clubs and other "meat markets". I keep telling them that they’re going to the wrong place!

Finding a suitable significant another is one of the most important decisions in your life. Your life quality, career satisfaction, and financial security will have a lot to do with your choice of spouse. You’ll be much better off by finding someone via shared activities. Instead of going to bars and clubs, take a class you have a genuine interest in. Volunteer for a cause you care about. Join a sports league. Sign up for a dance class.

Do things with others, expand your horizon according to your interests, and you’ll meet a lot of truly interesting people.

Related posts:

• Who was the bartender I met at Montana?
• How my friend got a high-power finance job by walking his dog
• What’s the most effective way to network?

Excellent resources:

• Mars and Venus on a Date: A Guide for Navigating the 5 Stages of Dating to Create a Loving and Lasting Relationship
• Networking Like a Pro: Turning Contacts into Connections
• Your Next Move: The Leader’s Guide to Successfully Navigating Major Career Transitions

I asked him: "How are things going?"

He said: "The same old shit, the same old shit".

Have you had your own "same old" moment/day/week/month/year/decade? 

You get up at the same time every morning, tired, want to sleep in for another hour but you have to go to work.

You go through the same morning routine: eat a quick breakfast, fight through the same morning traffic, stop by Starbucks to grab a cup of coffee, check your blackberry while you stop at a red light, get to office, and start slaving away. 

You don’t like your bully boss. You’re tired of your back stabbing colleague. You don’t like your work environment. But, you keep doing the same thing at work. You attend meeting after meeting. You write email after email. You come in early in the morning so that you can talk to your colleagues in Europe. You work after dinner so that you can get an update from your colleagues in China.

You feel you don’t spend enough time with your family. You feel that you’re chained to your paycheck.

Days past. Months past. Years past. The same old stuff.

You suddenly wake up one day. What am I doing? Why am I wasting my time? Don’t I deserve better than this?

Don’t wait until you have a major life crisis to wake up.

Don’t repeat the same old stuff.

If you find yourself saying "the same old stuff" to others, you’re having a problem.

You need to have an identity outside of work.

You need to feel motivated, active, and stimulated everyday.

I challenge you to step out of your comfort zone and try new things:

• Take an Outward Bound Adult Renewal class such as Blue Ridge Mountains Backpacking and Rock Climbing.
• Pick up a magazine in a subject area that you never had any interest in the past. Read it cover to cover. 
• Start attending Toastmaster meetings and set a goal to become Able Toastmaster (ATM) in two years.
• Moonlighting for 10 hours each week at a job that you’re truly passionate about. You might earn no or very little money, but you’ll find the experience energizing.
• Start blogging consistently for 30 days to share your thoughts, feeling, and insights with your friends and the public. You’ll be surprised by how much fun blogging will bring to you. 
• Devote 90 days to go through the P90X workout program.
• Take a dream Vocation Vacation to learn to be an actor, an animation TV producer, a baker, a brew master, a Broadway director, etc.
• Go to live and work abroad.
• Take a Tango class.
• Learn to play an instrument.
• Take classes to become a paramedic.

The list goes on and on. But, the key message is that instead of repeating the same old stuff, it’s up to you to inject energy, excitement, and fulfillment into your own life and career.

Friends: Life is too short. Live your life fully.

"We just find out that our nanny is looking around. We need to find a replacement as soon as possible. Please pass any lead you have!"

It turned out that the nanny had an interview with another family. But, the family knew my friend and told them that their nanny was looking around.

My friend’s family consists of a duel-income working couple, one 5-month old, and one 2-year old. Like many working families, they have to spend a significant portion of their income on child care. But, money doesn’t solve all of the problems. It’s really hard to find good nannies. And it’s even harder to keep nannies. My friend’s family has had 6 nannies in the past two years.

I’m fortunate that my wife is a stay-home mom. But, I have heard many couples having problems to find and retain nannies.

I wish there is a "Costco for Nannies" program that provides quality nanny services with affordable price. Actually, I think most couples are willing to pay more if the nanny service has quality guarantee and the nanny is committed to stay for a certain period of time.

At meantime, my advice to my friend is to set up an incentive program to give the nanny an annual bonus if she stays for one year and her service is deemed satisfactory.

Related posts:

• Number of kids and Bay Area
• “I wish you enough”
• The anti dot com path to success: A different way of living and working
• Five Career lessons from watching Jon & Kate Plus 8

Excellent reading:

• The Two-Income Trap: Why Middle-Class Parents are Going Broke
• Opting Out?: Why Women Really Quit Careers and Head Home
• The Fragile Middle Class: Americans in Debt
• Strapped: Why America’s 20- and 30-Somethings Can’t Get Ahead

However, his son was a drug addict for a period of time while he was rapidly rising through the corporate ranks. He was frustrated, angry, and powerless. He struggled for a long time. Eventually, he came to terms with himself. Gradually, he saw changes in his son.

The story has a happy ending. His son became clean and is doing well both professionally and personally today.

After sharing the personal story with us, the executive told us something very interesting — he told us that it was crucial to have an identity outside of work. He was on a fast track at a very young age. Work meant everything to him. As a result, he was not paying enough attention to his family. In the end, out of desperation, he took a leap of faith and started attending church. That’s where he found his second identity.

I’m not trying to convert anyone to become religious. There are many ways to establish additional identities outside of work. But, I think the message is clear and important: Don’t let your job define who you are.

When I was living in the Silicon Valley, whenever I met someone for the first time, the first question was almost always the same: "what do you do?" People wanted to figure out what I did to make a living as soon as they could.

During the first week in business school, the most common question was "what did you do before business school?". Then, people started to associate their classmates with labels such as "the McKinsey guy/gal", the "IT guy", the "banker", "the non-profit gal", etc.

People could label you in whatever ways they want. But, don’t use their opinions and labels to define who you are.

You’re much more than a banker, a consultant, a software developer, a PR specialist, a product manager, a marketing manager, etc.

You’re much more interesting, multi-faceted, interdisciplinary, and talented than people could possibly imagine.

Don’t be a slave to your own job, and let your job to define who you’re.

As I became a parents of two little ones, I started to experience fatigue more often than the past. I have been trying to figure out how to combat fatigue.

Here is what I learned from my own experience:

1. Eating a healthy breakfast is absolutely crucial. When I skip a breakfast or eat unhealthy, sugary stuff from Starbucks, I can notice an obvious drop of my energy level in late morning. 
2. Wake up 30 – 60 minutes before my kids wake up. When I wake up at the same time as my kids, I have to rush to change diapers for my kids, and get them ready for breakfast. I end up having little time for myself in the morning. When I get into my car, I’m already feeling tired. Having 30 – 60 minutes for myself each morning help me set a positive and peaceful tone for my day.
3. Drink enough water. Insufficient water intake is a key cause of physical fatigue. One trick is to drink at least 2 cups of water around each meal, and drink some water whenever I pass by a water fountain.
4. Get into my car to take naps during lunch time. I have always enjoyed sleeping. I cannot function well without seven hours of sleep. With two little ones, my sleeping time is limited. When I get really tired at work, I just go into my car to take a 30-minute nap. 
5. In addition to three meals, take one snack break in mid-morning, and one snack break in mid-afternoon. I eat snack with low glycemic value.
6. Take breaks at work. Play some table tennis. Take a walk.
7. Exercise. I don’t exercise enough. But, whenever I exercise, I feel more energetic. I used to like running but dislike weight lifting. But I have found Calisthenic exercises are really effective at boosting my energy level.
8. Ask my wife to give me a break by taking care of the kids so that I can sleep in for a couple of hours on Sat morning.  In return, I give my wife a break on Sunday morning.
9. Take vacations and day trips. I used to work a lot without taking vacation. With kids, we go to road trips pretty much every long weekend. I’ve found that even a day trip could be very refreshing.
10. Meditate. When I meditate, I breath deeper and feel more relaxed.

I have also become quite interested in peak performance in corporate setting. I learned a lot about managing my energy from reading The Power of Full Engagement: Managing Energy, Not Time, Is the Key to High Performance and Personal Renewal, a book about how to apply the training techniques of elite athletes to improve corporate worker’s energy level and performance. Very interesting stuff.

How do you combat fatigue at work? I’d love to hear from you.

If you plan to have kids, how many kids do you plan to have?

I lived in the bay area for a long time. Most of my friends and coworkers have one or two kids. Very few of them have three or more kids.

I had a "cultural shock" after I moved to Seattle. It’s not uncommon to meet young or middle-aged couples who have three, four, or even five kids.

I met a lot more stay-home mothers in Seattle. I knew very few stay-home mothers in the bay area. Some of them took one or two years off, but most of them eventually go back to work because they need duel income to pay for their mortgage. I saw a pattern:

• Parents want to buy a house in a good school district so that their kids can get good education. Both parents have to work really hard to afford the mortgage. In areas such as Cupertino or Palo Alto, you cannot really buy much with $1 million.
• Because both parents are working, they have to pay for child care expenses for two kids in addition to the expensive mortgage, which cause more pressure to parents to make more money.
• Parents work so hard that they don’t really have time to make love and care for more kids
• Parent decides that they can have only one or two kids.

If you don’t have kids yet, I think you should give some thoughts to this question. If you like kids and plan to have several kids, you should pick a place that is conducive for raising multiple kids. The bay area is probably not the right place for you.

Are some people genetically predisposed to be happy while others will never find happiness?

What really make you happy?

A few years I visited a small town near Chicago.

Most of my Silicon Valley friends told me that

• It would be freezing in the winter. 
• It’d be boring. After all, it’s the Midwest.
• I will miss the actions in the Silicon Valley.

Basically, they thought I’d be miserable.

I ended up living in this town for a couple of years. Let me tell you:

• I didn’t mind the cold weather at all. I loved the distinct four seasons. A snowy, white Christmas is absolutely beautiful.
• Chicago is a great city with many things to do. The restaurants are amazing. Chicago is easily one of my favorite cities.
• I didn’t miss the actions in the Silicon Valley. It’s really interesting to meet and talk to people who work in different industries such as consumer package goods, traditional manufacturing, or even agricultural. It seems that everyone I know in the Silicon Valley was working on some codes to take over the world and make a lot of money.

I also told friends that I only need three things to be happy (that I call the "Minimum Happiness Requirements”) when I move to a new place:

• a good coffee shop
• a nice book store
• a reliable, fast internet connection that lets me read, write and share

I guess I can live in many places in the world and still be happy. But, as you see, my three minimum happiness requirements have nothing to do with where I live, how big my house is, what kind of car I drive, what brand of clothe I wear, etc. They’re pretty simple requirements.

I think having a set of simple requirements make one’s life more flexible, and less dependent on external material success.

What are your Minimum Requirements for Happiness?

Related posts:

• The anti dot com path to success: A different way of living and working
• “I wish you enough”
• Who was the bartender I met at Montana?
• You must be a lazy man if it takes you ten hours to do a day’s work

Excellent resources:

• The 4-Hour Workweek, Expanded and Updated: Expanded and Updated, With Over 100 New Pages of Cutting-Edge Content.
• Vagabonding: An Uncommon Guide to the Art of Long-Term World Travel
• The 80/20 Principle: The Secret to Success by Achieving More with Less

"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good- bye."

We visited Taiwan. It is a beautiful, vibrant, and super friendly place.

Here is a summary of what I did and learned.

1. I visited Taipei 101, the world’s tallest completed skyscraper according to the Council on Tall Buildings and Habitat. It has the world’s fastest elevator at 55.22 ft/s. It took about 40 seconds to get to the observation deck on the 89th floor. I was definitely feeling the gravity as the elevator shot up to the observatory on the 89th floor. The building also has a massive tuned mass damper to protect the building from earthquake and strong winds. The tuned mass damper is visible to the visitors inside the building. I was quite impressed by the aesthetics, design, and technology of Taipei 101.
2. People in Taiwan work very hard. They work long hours. Most workers I talked to have very few vacations days (1 day to 5 days per year).
3. For a small place like Taiwan, it’s incredible how much they have accomplished economically. For example, Taiwan is a high tech power house. In 2008, Taiwan is Intel’s single largest international market — Intel’s revenue from Taiwan was $9.87 billion! Taiwan’s foreign reserve hit record high of $332 billion US dollar at the end of September 2009, which places it the fourth largest foreign reserve holder in the world.
4. Taiwan high tech firms are trying very hard to move up the stream from OEM to building their own brands. Acer just beat out Dell to become the second largest PC manufacturer in the world.
5. Mainland China’s influence is everywhere in Taiwan. There’re a lot of visitors from China. They have deep packets, and they love to visit Taiwan and spend money there. Several China based airlines are flying into the Taipei airport. Locals have very mixed felling: they’re fearful of a potential takeover by mainland China, but they cannot resist the economic opportunities. The China-Taiwan unification is a very contentious political issue in Taiwan. However, in my opinion, the "economic unification" is already taking place. Today’s Taiwan reminds me of Hong Kong in the early 1990′s.
6. The hot political controversy of the moment is the Taiwan government’s decision to lift restriction on the import of US beefs. The media and the politicians are going crazy to oppose the decision due to concerns about the mad cow disease. They believe that the American beefs are not safe because of mad cow disease. They claimed that the Taiwanese government gave in to the pressure from US government during trade negotiation. Apparently Australia, Taiwan and a few other countries have more strict regulation on beefs than the United States. Should we be concerned about eating USDA Approved beef in the United States? I’m not sure.
7. Taiwan has a National Health Insurance system. It’s a single-payer, compulsory social insurance plan. The unemployment rate is high in Taiwan, but nobody I talked to are concerned about doctor visits. Foreign workers can also get coverage under this plan. I was very impressed by Taiwan’s national health insurance. I wish we have a similar program in the United States.
8. Many people wear surgical masks in public to reduce the risk of contracting H1N1 virus. Before I passed custom at the airport, my temperature was taken via a remote sensor. I heard that schools take temperature of each student and employee every morning. Hand Sanitizer was available almost everywhere in the public. Given the dense population and previous SAS outbreak, I appreciate the extra caution and preventive measures.
9. Moped is a very popular form of transportation in Taiwan. Someone took me for a ride. It was much more convenient and flexible to navigate Taiwan’s narrow roads and traffic  on a moped than riding a car. But, it’s a little bit scary. I’m not sure I will ride moped again in Taiwan.
10. Teachers and civic servants receive very generous retirement benefits in Taiwan. It’s very competitive to get a teaching or government job. Apparently almost every job requires entrance exams. It’s a system that rewards people who do well on tests. I appreciate the fact that teachers get paid well, but I question the narrowly defined, exam-heavy selection process for teachers and civic servants.
11. The Taiwan education system works their kids really hard. For example, a typical day of a 7th grade starts at 6am. He gets to school by 7am. Finish classes at 3PM. Then, he will have another 4 hours of extra classes such as piano, math, English, etc. He gets home by 7PM, have dinner, then study for another 2 to 3 hours. He will take one whole day of extra classes on Sat. He works on homework for half day on Sunday, and then finally take half day off. I asked the parents why they worked their kids so hard. The answer was that "everyone else is doing it. Our kids will fall behind if we don’t do that same." I guess American kids are really slackers.

Related posts:

• The anti dot com path to success: A different way of living and working
• Who was the bartender I met at Montana?
• The zero vacation day dilemma
• Apply 4HWW principles to have a great weekend getaway at Vancouver, BC